in which our heroes parley with their civilised four-legged friends
An academic philosopher has been cancelled for stating that civilisation is for everyone. The idea of 'civilisation' has become very sensitive for those who fear that they are not regarded by others as sufficiently civilised. They suspect that others regard them as uncivilised. Oh dear. Soon 'civilisation' will join the list of banned words, along with 'nature', 'humanity', 'reason', 'rationality', 'logic' and 'debate'. All these banned ideas are linked. To be civilised is to participate in society based on reasonable interactions with others. If we denounce reason and rationality, and resort instead to mob rule, cancelling those with whom we disagree, trying to get them fired, then we denounce civilisation.
Our hero, hard at work
Why bother to work hard, devoting years to learning a skill or trade, when instead you could go on a riot for social justice and put pressure on the government to give you a bunch of free money? Sitting indoors engaging in productive activity seems dull and tedious compared to going out on the streets to do social justice - meeting other cool people, throwing a few missiles at the police, setting buildings on fire, looting and general rioting.
Rioting is very exciting, and as an extra bonus you get your 15 minutes of fame when they feature you on the evening news. There you are, running through the streets in your combat gear, fist in the air, weeping copious tears while demanding your justice and your reparations! Nice. Breaking windows and mounting barricades is also great for putting pressure on rich people to pay you protection-money hoping you'll go away and leave their stuff alone.
All pebbles are created equal, but some are more equal than others
A Critique of the Equality Act (EQA)
▪ The EQA is based on partisan ideology rooted in neo-Marxist ideas.
▪ The EQA is effectively a licence to discriminate. It creates rights for some but not for others.
▪ The EQA undermines individual liberty and erodes the public-private boundary.
in which our historical hero fails to apologise for blatant Empire Building
Bias may or may not be rational. It all depends on the issue that falls to be decided. It is of course rational to discriminate in making choices. Discrimination only becomes irrational if it takes irrelevant or erroneous factors into account. Only a fool would declare 'I never discriminate!' We should discriminate against the unwise, and discriminate in favour of the wise. Not all choices are equal. In our private lives we discriminate in favour of our personal preferences. We select more of the things we like, and reject those which we disdain.
Yet the pileup of laws forbidding 'discrimination' constructs a New Normal where an explanation or justification is required for making perfectly rational choices. So an airline (not United Airlines) might carefully explain 'we think it is reasonable to discriminate against this pilot because he doesn't know how to fly a plane. This discrimination is unfortunate and unfair, but it is justified at the utmost end of need, because sadly we do often prefer to hire pilots qualified to fly'.
in which His Majesty engages in a spot of cultural appropriation
Music departments across all universities have banned the reading of sheet music. This is to decolonise our syllabus and keep all our communities safe from cultural appropriation. Cultural appropriation is a non-crime race hate offence. It happens when people from non-Western cultures attempt to read sheet music, when it's not even their culture. In order to do apartheid 2.0 properly everyone needs to stay in their own cultural lane, cease dabbling in other people's cultures.
Moreover sheet music raises an important equal opportunities issue. If you can't read music by the time you arrive at university to study music, it's unlikely that you will ever catch up with your classmates who've been reading music since before they were born. Maybe their mothers played Mozart to them in utero, which is not fair on others. So it's best if sheet music is banned. That way it's fair for everyone who needs to be given an equal opportunity to acquire a music degree even though they have no formal musical training.
It is not surprising therefore that mainstream public debate about race sensitises minorities to discrimination, but does less to highlight minority self-reliance and resilience.
The CRED report on racial disparities, shorn of all the 'this is what the government needs to do next' hokum that you'd expect from a government-centred report, touches on the importance of minority self-reliance and resilience. Obviously, no government is in a position to give anybody 'self-reliance and resilience' packaged up in a nice bundle of equal opportunities carefully colour-coded for all the racial sub-categories. Each individual must figure this out for himself, and who says it is easy. Better get cracking. Worry less about what your government needs to do for you, and more about what you need to Do For Self.
in which our hero Captain Cook sells a "one-way shackled cruise to purgatory" to other historical Heroes of Empire
Given a choice, would you rather go on YouTube to watch a trigger-happy American cop try to arrest a burly black man (fight! fight! fight!) or instead study a 2000-page government report on incredibly dull ethnic minorities who just get on with their daily lives (working to earn a living, housekeeping, grocery shopping and doing the school run)? The vast majority of human beings, no matter their skin colour, have a life to live, a family to raise, a job to hold down, and have no interest in race-baiting or race-wars. No time, my friend, no time. While you are busy getting angry, fulminating against white folk, correcting history and realigning racial power lines through hatred and violence, who is earning your living and teaching your kids how to live a good, happy, meaningful and productive life?
The new CRED Report on racial disparities (google it, it's worth studying) has disappointed the UN experts on 'how to do being-an-African' because we expect race reports to rile us, spur us into action, give us new grounds for a bit of marching or even a full-blown riot with burning barricades if the weather is nice and we fancy going on the rampage. Instead the report presents us with deadly dull statistics about how many ethnic minorities go to Oxford and how many are NHS consultants. Unfortunately we will struggle to translate stats about the 2.3% ethnic pay gap into rousing drama. If you are trying to get angry, pay gap stats won't get you very far.
in which Lord Cornwallis demonstrates how to do justice and fairness the Plushy way
Be polite and diplomatic, empathetic and kind. Have a personal moral code to govern all your social interactions, and listen to your conscience. Do as you would be done by. If we all followed these principles life would be pleasant and enjoyable for everyone. We would live free, in pursuit of peace and prosperity as we conceive them to be. Problems only arise when moral dictators pronounce themselves to be the self-appointed arbiters of all that is good and true, and proceed to denounce everyone who does not conform to their edicts.
All cartoons are created equal
But my equal opportunities are bigger than your equal opportunities
'Equal opportunities' is a concept denoting the bundle of rights, claims and privileges which all residents of the UK (legal and illegal) are given by the government. The main role of a government, especially a Conservative government that wishes to show how good they are, is to give everyone their equal opportunities. All human beings are born equal, and thus deserve to demand their fair share of equal opportunities from their elected representatives, plus an extra portion of equal opportunities for those whose ancestors suffered from historical grievances.
King George III
All trussed up and ready to face his Trial by Modern Standards. We wish all historical Plushies the best of luck.
Institutional racism refers to the policies, rules and practices of an institution resulting in unfairness based on race. To complain about institutional racism you need to show that the racism has produced an unfair outcome for your race. The problem is not the race-based treatment in itself, but the unfairness of the outcome. We like racism, as long as it produces advantageous outcomes for us.
This means that there is a right way and a wrong way to do racism. If racism produces good outcomes, that's called Woke Racism or Racism 2.0 and it's what we want to encourage. We want everyone to be racist, as long as they follow the woke guidelines. If racism produces unfair outcomes, that's called institutional racism and it's wrong, so compensation will have to be paid.
Scholar, Writer, Friend